New website

Before I started my own business as a counsellor I knew nothing much about websites. I certainly had never tried to build one. This has been a learning process that has been creative and also frustrating. Not having a computing background some of the language leaves me scratching my head in puzzlement. I’ve also had fun looking at images and deciding what might best illustrate the point I am making or want to get over.

image of planet and stars with words updated website
updated website

the site is live!

Now I am super pleased to announce that my newly upgraded website is live. It has been live for a little while, however I’ve been busy updating some of the content. I had it rebuilt by Websites for Therapists so that I could add features, such as embedded videos, that I wasn’t able to do on my old site because of restrictions on the subscription I had.

content

I’ve begun to update the content, giving information about me as a person, and how counselling can help. I’ve also provided some links to resources and organisations I hope will be helpful.

over to you

Please have a look through the content I’ve posted and let me know if there is anything else you’d like to see on my site, or any counselling related subject you’d like to see me blog about.

Julie Millar is a counsellor in Ellesmere Port and Chester.

She grew up at the seaside and loves sunshine and tea. She listens with her heart as well as her ears. She works with people who have lost something precious to them; a person, an animal, a dream… And people who have experienced abuse. People who are hurting or confused and want something to change.

Julie’s superpower is curiosity.

Follow Julie on Facebook and Instagram where she posts on a variety of topics.

How to get through Mother’s Day

It is Mother’s Day in the UK this weekend. From the promotions in so many places, from florists to restaurants and when you do the weekly shop, it is impossible to avoid the reminders. In this blog I’ll explore the reasons many people find Mother’s Day difficult, and share some tips to get you through the day.

Image of daffodils in a colourful vase on a table
Flowers for Mother’s Day
Your Mum has died.

The death of your Mum can be one of the most significant losses. For most people our Mum is the first person we have a really close relationship to, and she is a significant figure in our formative years. Loss of your Mum marks a new phase of life, and an end to the identity of being someone’s child, whatever age you lose your Mum. If you have children you also see them missing their grandmother and you are carrying two losses as you support them.

You had a poor relationship with your Mum.

All around us in society there are idealised images of mother-child relationships. This is particularly so at this time of year. If you had a poor relationship with your Mum because of abuse, addiction or family breakdown, or your Mum simply wasn’t able to cope with being a mother (for whatever reason), you may feel the loss of a relationship you never had.

You wanted to be a Mum.

Seeing children coming home from nursery or school carrying gifts and cards they’ve made for their Mums can be a painful reminder of the lost dream of being a parent yourself.

You lost a child.

This time of year can trigger an increase in thoughts of what that child many have grown up to be like, what they may have done for you on Mother’s day, and the enormity of your loss. Other children may feel the loss of a sibling too.

You don’t see your children.

In these circumstances you may hold painful memories about the circumstances of the end of the relationship with your child. You may wonder what sort of person they are as they grow up, and may harbour the hope of reconciliation.

Things you can do
  • Be kind to yourself, recognise it is a difficult time and give yourself some space
  • Acknowledge your feelings. Your feelings are yours, no-one can tell you how you should feel.
  • Write a card to your Mum, saying how you feel. You can keep or dispose of it as feels right for you
  • Buy a gift for yourself
  • Make a card for yourself
  • Make your own remembrance ritual, such as light a candle or visit a significant place
  • Say no to any family gatherings you are not comfortable with
  • Ask for support from a trusted friend or family member

All of these experiences contain an element of loss. Counselling can help with feelings of loss; of someone you loved; of something you hoped for but didn’t have; of relationships. Call me on 07761 023027 or email julie@juliemillarconselling.com to talk about how counselling may help you.

Julie Millar is a counsellor in Ellesmere Port and Chester.

She grew up at the seaside and loves sunshine and tea. She listens with her heart as well as her ears. She works with people who have lost something precious to them; a person, an animal, a dream… And people who have experienced abuse. People who are hurting or confused and want something to change.

Julie’s superpower is curiosity.

Follow Julie on Facebook and Instagram where she posts on a variety of topics.

Julie

5th March 2019

In this blog I review Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig, in which he describes his experience of anxiety and depression. The book was published in 2015 and is still a popular book.

Matt Haig has a very engaging style, and this book is very readable. I read it on a train journey to London and back. It is both biographical and a self help book. He tells the story of living with depression and anxiety, of almost taking his own life, and how he got through it. He also gives facts about the incidence of depression and anxiety, and tips that have helped him and others.

Anxiety and depression are very common separately and in combination. Haig reports that one in five people experience depression at some point in their life, and that combined anxiety and depression is the most common mental health condition in the UK. Suicide is the leading cause of death in men under 35. There is no shame in living with depression and/or anxiety, and you are certainly not alone. Haig gives a long list of famous people who have experienced depression, and while social and economic factors can contribute to depression and anxiety, they can happen to anyone.

Matt Haig got to a point where he couldn’t carry on the way he was and needed support. He had family and the woman who is now his wife on his side who gave him support while he rebuilt himself. Medication helps many, but doesn’t suit everyone. Time, self compassion and simply keeping going kept him going. And there was light at the end of the tunnel, even if he does sometimes dip back into the dark.

If you are feeling anxious or depressed (or both) a visit to your GP is a good idea. Counselling can help with both anxiety and depression, to help deal with the feelings and explore what is behind the experience.

Counselling appointments are available on Tuesdays in Ellesmere Port. Call, text or email to book.

Julie Millar is a counsellor in Ellesmere Port and Chester.

She grew up at the seaside and loves sunshine and tea. She listens with her heart as well as her ears. She works with people who have lost something precious to them; a person, an animal, a dream… And people who have experienced abuse. People who are hurting or confused and want something to change.

Julie’s superpower is curiosity.

Follow Julie on Facebook and Instagram where she posts on a variety of topics